Tims Ford Tall Tales #1: Murphy’s Law in Action: The Lexus

*This article is a copy, originally written for a personal family blog, uploaded here with the original writer's (Ritchie Carroll) permission, please enjoy.

The fourth law of thermodynamics states “If anything can go wrong, it will.”

The year was 1995, my wife Gretchen and I were practically still newlyweds. Gretchen was pregnant with our first son and I was just beginning my career as a software development professional.  Gretchen had progressed in her pregnancy to the point where she couldn’t work anymore, so with a single income from my entry level job we shared only one car between us.  I was working as many extra hours as I could to pay for our small two-bedroom apartment and save up some money for the baby that would be here soon. I left for work early and I had the car with me all day – the distance to the office was far enough that it wasn’t economic for her to drop me off; still it wasn’t a great feeling thinking that if she needed to get out she couldn’t. Gretchen had been previously working with at her sister’s law firm in Knoxville, but into her third trimester she needed to stay home. One of the law firm partners, Dudley Taylor, happened to be going on vacation for a week and graciously decided to let us borrow his car.

Dudley called me the morning of his flight while he was on his way to the airport and said, “You and Gretch just come by the airport on your way into work and pick up the car, I’ll leave it in metered parking so don’t be long.  I’ll leave the doors unlocked along with the keys.”, he paused for a moment and seemed a little undecided about where he would leave the keys safely, then continued, “Maybe the wheel well? No, wait – I’ll put them under the floor mat, sound OK?” I replied gratefully, “Sure Dudley! Thank you so much for letting us borrow your car – we really appreciate it.” I was thinking to myself that only a lawyer would leave his expensive car at the airport unlocked with the key in it – regardless, I was very thankful that he had decided to take the risk. Gretchen and I finished getting ready and headed out the door – I think perhaps it took us around 45 minutes before we left to get the car, but we were not in a huge hurry, given her condition.  We got in our car and Gretchen drove me to the airport which was just down the road from where we lived, she was excited about being able to run around after being stuck in the house for a few weeks.  When we got to the airport Gretchen dropped me off and told me to enjoy driving the posh lawyer’s car, a new white Lexus. Gretchen already knew the car well, she had driven the car many times while working at the law firm to deliver documents and run errands – so it wasn’t a new thrill for her to drive it – but she knew I would enjoy it. Besides she loved to drive our little car, it was an electric-blue Eagle Talon with a stick shift and lots of pep.

As I got out of our car, I scanned the metered parking area and didn’t see the Lexus immediately.  At the time, Knoxville’s airport wasn’t that big so I knew the car would have to be somewhere close by. Gretchen was about to get out and help me look for the car when I spotted a white Lexus over in the short-term parking area – Gretchen saw me spy the car and said, “Great! There it is, have a good day love!” With some trepidation, I replied “Hey, that’s not exactly where he said he’d leave it?” With a comforting voice, she said “I’m sure that’s it Ritch. He was probably late for his flight and out of habit just parked where he normally does – he’s always late.  I’ll wait for you to get in before I leave.” I kissed my wife goodbye and headed over towards the Lexus, as I walked up, I saw it had Knox county tags – that was a comforting sign.  I pulled the door handle – click, the door was open.  I felt much better.  How many other white Lexus cars are you going to find at the airport unlocked with Knox county tags?  I waved back at Gretchen as I got in the car and she honked and sped away.

As I slowly sank down in the plush leather seat I thought, wow – what a nice car. Everything was so clean, so new – I just sat there for a minute taking in the splendor, enjoying the experience. I ran my hand across the ergonomic curves of the dashboard – no dust. I shook my head and snapped back to reality – OK, back to business, time for the keys… I lifted the driver’s side car mat, hum, no keys – not good.  Well, I did recall he was a little indecisive about where to leave them – wheel well or under the mat – so I popped open the console. Whoa! Deep in the bottom of the console was a 357 Magnum, fully loaded – yikes – I closed that back fast.  I thought, well, as a lawyer he may feel like he needs that protection. I then noticed there was another little lid on top of the console, so I opened that little area. It was full of stuff – gum, some kid’s license, junk, keys – oh keys!  Duh, of course – great place to leave a set of keys.  I put the black Lexus key in the ignition and turned it over, nice clean start – yes! I felt much better – again – so I opened a piece of the gum I found in the console area – yum spearmint. As I had nosed through the mess, I noticed some young girl’s driver’s license, so I picked it up and saw that she had the last name of Taylor.  “OK, Dudley’s last name is Taylor – this is definitely his car ”, I thought to myself, “he’s been letting his niece or other close relative drive the car and she’s left her license in here. ” I felt really good about it all, this was his car no doubt – I recounted all the evidence in my mind: “White Lexus with Knox county tags at the airport; I didn’t find the car in metered parking, but it was only a short distance away in short term parking; the door was unlocked and the keys were in it, not under the mat – but easy to find right in the compartment above the console; then to top it all off – some young girl’s license in the car with same last name as his, his niece or something.”

With my newfound confidence, I put my seatbelt on, placed the car in reverse and started to drive out of the short-term parking garage – I’m driving a Lexus to work! Yeah baby! As I pulled up to the ticket booth, I handed the parking garage attendant the little paper ticket that was on the dash.  She gladly accepted my ticket never giving an externally obvious second thought to how a 23-year-old kid would be driving such an expensive car. “25 dollars please.” she called out to me in her ever so monotone voice. I replied in surprise “Wow! This short-term parking is certainly economical!” her only response to my Freudian sarcasm was just a half-cocked smile and an out held hand as if she had no time for my antics or unsolicited comments. I pulled out what little cash I had in my wallet and forked it over – I did think that was a little expensive, but I also had never parked in short-term parking. “They charge like crazy for convenience parking – it must be nice to be loaded – but hey, twenty-five bucks is a small fee to pay for renting a Lexus for a week” I thought to myself. I sped out of the airport and gave this car a little “test drive” down Pellissippi Parkway, in those parts also known affectionately as “Pellissippi Speedway” – if you know what I mean. This car drove like a dream – all you would expect out of a luxury car that costs more than a small house.  I drove it to work, called my friends from the car phone (this was pre-cell phone days folks – high-tech stuff), took my work buddies to lunch in the fancy car – let’s just say I was having a blast driving the car.

When I got home that evening I mentioned to Gretchen that the keys weren’t exactly where he said they’d be but they were right in the console; I also said I thought it was weird that it cost me 25 dollars for short-term parking. She dismissed my concerns about the keys being in console quickly, saying he was likely in a big hurry. She did agree with me that an hour’s worth of parking for 25 dollars seemed exorbitant – but we both dismissed that as a ridiculous convenience fee.

I continued to drive the car around that week as if it were my own – I drove it everywhere I needed to go. As a matter of fact, before Gretchen was pregnant, she and I had arranged a white-water rafting trip for this week for the people I worked with – I drove the car all the way down to the Ocoee rapids hauling several people with me. My work friends riding along enjoyed annoying me by tinkering with all the comfort gadgets while I was driving, but they thought the fact that the car had dual digital climate settings for both the driver and passenger was really cool – a very new feature in 1995.

Gretchen’s next obstetrician appointment was on Thursday, so I scheduled to be off that afternoon so I could go with her – I always enjoyed listening to the baby’s heartbeat and watching the ultrasounds – I was very excited, and scared, to be a new dad. Gretchen’s Thursday afternoon appointment came before you know it. I left work that day in plenty of time to make sure we wouldn’t be late. When I arrived, Gretchen gathered her things and we headed out to the car. Gretchen had seen the car outside all week, but we hadn’t gone out in it together, so I was excited to be able to drive her around “in style”. As I was helping her to the car, in her delicate condition, she commented that Dudley must have washed the car recently; it looked unusually clean. As I helped Gretchen into her seat – she immediately began to admire the cleanliness of the interior.  I shut her door and began to walk around the front of the car to the driver’s side – as I did, I noticed a strange expression on Gretchen’s face, hard to describe – perhaps a sort of fearful curiosity. I opened the driver’s side door, sat down and she turned to me commenting with a tone and serious penetrating expression that I will never forget: “Ritchie. I don’t think this is Dudley’s car – it’s too clean.” After an apprehensive, but dismissive laugh, I replied “Gretchen, there’s no way this is not Dudley’s car. It was unlocked at the airport and the keys were in it and –”, then she stopped me abruptly, “Ritchie this is also not the same interior color as his car – this is blue, he had a brown interior.” I began to worry a little, but still – all the evidence “Gretch – are you sure you remember the interior color? I mean look – how many unlocked white Lexus’s are you going to find at our small airport anyway? I checked the tags, they’re Knox County.” She was still intensely despondent and with both hands moving rapidly in a downward motion she said “No way! Ritchie, his car has never been this clean – ever – and I’ve driven his car a hundred times.” Still trying to convince myself as much as her, I used my last thread of proof – I quickly opened the console compartment and showed her the driver’s license “Look at this driver’s license, last name Taylor – this has to be his niece or something – why would someone’s license be in the car with the same last name as his?” Gretchen took a long pause staring at the license, perhaps trying to remember any of Dudley’s family members that had this name; we both sat there in disbelief. At this point Gretchen was starting to question her own memory – the evidence was extraordinary.

After an extended long silence, I remarked “Gretch – regardless, we need to get to your OB appointment.” She quickly quipped “Not in this car we’re not!” In an indifferent pitch I said “This has to be Dudley’s car.  We don’t need to miss your appointment, so let’s go – even if it happened not to be Dudley’s car, I’ve driven it all week, what’s the difference?” Always the practical one she said, “I don’t think we’re going to the OB right now; I’ll reschedule – I’ve got to know for sure.” It was about this time that I remembered that gun and said “Oh hey! How ‘bout this?” I popped the deep console open and let her look inside – she stopped and peered down at the big gun. I said “Do you know if Dudley carries a gun in his car? He is a lawyer, I’m sure some people may end up not liking him – just the nature of the business.” She looked puzzled and said, “I really don’t know for sure – no one ever mentioned whether or not he carried a gun – I suppose it could be his, but I’m not sure.” I shut the lid to the console, and she said, “Let’s look in the trunk”. We walked around to the back of the car and I tried the key.  The key wouldn’t budge, I couldn’t turn it no matter what I tried – that was strange. “Let’s see if there’s a trunk button.” I said. We looked and found one in the glove box and the trunk popped open, so we walked around and curiously investigated the contents. The trunk was practically empty, save a set of golf clubs and a little black doctor’s bag with a white laminated tag. The tag was a calling card for a doctor at a local hospital. Ever the optimist I said, “Could be one of Dudley’s doctor friends he goes golfing with?” At this point Gretchen’s skepticism was high enough that she wanted to get some assistance, she said “Ritch, let’s go in. I want to call the law firm and see what they recommend at this point”.

We headed inside and Gretchen called up to her sister’s law firm. It was just around lunch time, but one of the lawyers was still around and took Gretchen’s call. She carefully explained the situation to him, making sure to note all the things that made us think this was Dudley’s car. He remarked that he didn’t think Dudley carried a gun in his car, but this was a remarkable situation and, at this point, he wasn’t really sure if this was Dudley’s car or not either so he recommended we call the hospital listed on the calling card and ask for the doctor. He said, “Just tell the doctor that you may have his car and simply explain the situation to him and see what he says – if he’s missing his car, you’ll know.”  Gretchen told me what the lawyer had recommended, so I walked out to the car to get the phone number listed on the card on the doctor’s bag.

I walked slowly out to the car with the keys in my hand and my mind started to race wondering if I truly could have driven out of the airport with someone else’s car – I kept trying to deny it in my mind, what are the odds? This seems like a statistical impossibility – I might as well have just won the lottery if this is true. I wrote the number down and made double-sure to lock the doors – I was now really paranoid about that gun in the car. I walked in the house and found Gretchen sitting on the couch, looking at me with a long, worried expression, holding the phone for me so I could call the hospital – gulp.

I dropped into the couch beside my wife and she handed me the phone. I dialed the number for hospital and as I listened to the ring tone in the phone, I began to believe it – this could be true. The hospital receptionist answered, and when I asked for the doctor, she replied “The doctor is currently making rounds and can’t take any calls, but I will take a message.” I said “Well, I think he may want to take my call – I think I may have his car.” There was a very long pause which caused me to feel uneasy – it couldn’t have been more than just a few seconds, but the wait seemed like an eternity before she said anything. Finally, with a firm tone she quipped “Hold on a minute.” — You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you start to realize the magnitude of a situation – well, I had that feeling and I was really starting to feel nauseous. While I was on hold Gretchen asked what the receptionist said and I said, “She told me to hold on; I think she went to get him.” She anxiously replied, “Oh crap!”

In a moment a doctor got on the phone in a very agitated voice and said, “Who is this?” I calmly replied, “Hello, I’m James Ritchie Carroll – I think I may have your car.” He was obviously thinking I was some kind of thief or about to hold his car for ransom or something because his tone was very angry “I don’t know who the hell you are but our car was stolen earlier this week!” Still in a calm voice I said “Sir, earlier this week a friend of ours left his white Lexus at the airport for us to drive this week – he’s a family friend and we’re a young couple and only have one car. When we got to the airport the car wasn’t exactly where he said it was, but a white Lexus was close by in short term parking. I assumed he might have been in a hurry and just left it in short term parking and –”, the doctor interrupted me, his tone a little calmer, and said “OK, but how’d you get in my car? You had to have broke in! How did you start it up?!” I maintained my serene demeanor and continued “The car was actually unlocked, just like our friend said it would be – I found the keys in the console.  He had told me that the keys would be under the mat, but I found them right in the console and again thought he might have been late for his flight and in a hurry.” I paused for a response, but he was quiet. Gretchen nudged me and quietly said “Tell him about the driver’s license!” so I continued, “You know the other weird thing was that the car had Knox County tags, just like I expected, and I found a young girl’s driver’s license in the console with the same last name as his – Taylor – and I assumed this was his niece or something.”

At this point it all started to sink in; all of us knew the impossible had happened. The doctor took my phone number and said he would call me right back. While we waited for the return call, Gretchen and I started to converse about the fact that I had literally stolen a Lexus from the airport – if they thought the car had been stolen, they would have filed a police report. If I had got pulled over that week, speeding about like I was, I would have been arrested on the spot for driving a stolen car, and more, with a loaded weapon in the console! Reality was now really starting to kick in – I couldn’t believe that I had wanted to take that last trip to the OB in the car when we weren’t 100% sure only a few minutes ago – that suddenly seemed like a very bad idea.

In a few minutes the phone rang, it was the doctor again and he seemed rather jovial “Mr. Carroll, I would like for you to bring the car and meet me and my lawyer at a central location, OK?” Relived, I said “Sure! You want me to meet you at the hospital?” He said, “How about Calhoun’s restaurant near there, do you know where that is?” “Sure!” I said, “We’ll head that way.” Gretchen got in our car and followed me in the Lexus to Calhoun’s. I was driving that car so very carefully – and slowly. I was just shaking my head the whole way – I still could not believe it!

Gretchen and I arrived with the car and didn’t see anyone there – so we just sat on the sidewalk in front of the car like a couple of scared little kids wondering how in the world we’d gotten into this crazy situation – in hindsight, it was sort of humorous, but at that moment we were scared to death not knowing if I would be arrested. In a moment a couple pulled up in an SUV style vehicle. They were talking amongst themselves and staring our way, definitely checking us out.  A woman in the passenger side of the car rolled down her window and called out “Mr. Carroll?”, I replied “Yes.” My response prompted the driver, a tall male figure, to turn off the car, get out, and walk quickly in my direction. His lady partner also got out of the vehicle, but chose to stand by the car cautiously.

Gretchen and I stood up and and started walking towards their car so we could introduce ourselves and hand over the key. However, the male figure was on an intercept course with me, holding out his hand. As he approached I attempted to shake his hand, but he just quickly grabbed the key from me and scurried over to the car.  I figured I had no right to be offended, after all, if this was the doctor, I had stolen his car. Gretchen and I just kept walking towards the woman standing by the SUV, as she certainly looked friendlier, I was thinking she might be the lawyer. After we introduced ourselves, she identified her male partner, now vigorously investigating the contents of the Lexus, as the doctor I had spoken to earlier – she was the doctor’s wife. Thankfully, she was indeed very friendly – she was just all smiles and seemed to think the whole situation was hilarious. She and Gretchen began to converse about the ridiculousness of the event. As they talked, I kept a watchful eye towards the doctor and saw him open the console. It occurred to me at this point what he was looking for – he pulled out his gun and checked to see if it had all of its bullets.  He glanced back at his wife with a satisfied, affirmative nod and then began to dig through the glove box. She saw me watching him curiously and began to tell us what they assumed had happened this week, “When I got back from my flight at the airport earlier this week I didn’t find my car where I had left it. I assumed it must have been towed and called my husband to come get me. He came to airport and they said they had impounded a white Lexus – he walked down there to see the car but saw that it wasn’t his. When you called him earlier this is why he believed your story – they said they had impounded a white Lexus, but it had been parked in metered parking. Anyway, we assumed our car had been stolen and remembered that we had left our checkbook in the car that had access to all of our bank accounts. We have spent hours and hours this week changing all of our bank account numbers – he’s over there right now digging though the glove box looking for our checkbook.” I injected apologetically “I promise I didn’t go through your glove box. I did open the console and see that gun in there, but I assumed it was my friend’s – he’s a lawyer and I just figured he carried it for protection. I did chew some of your gum I found in the console and I did make a few calls on your cell phone, but the car really should be just as good as when you left it except for a few more miles – it drives like a dream.” She laughed and said “You know I had the cell phone disconnected before we filed a police report and they told me I should have just called the phone, but I just didn’t think about it. I called my insurance agent earlier and told him we found the car. He is so happy, you wouldn’t believe it. We had already picked out a new car and everything.” The doctor, very calm now, walked back over and placed his arm around his wife and said, “It’s all there.” She smiled and continued her explanation “The key you found in the console was the valet key, the driver’s license you saw was my daughter’s best friend – I don’t know why it was in there. As far as the door being unlocked, I was wearing tight jeans when I left for my flight and the car’s remote door lock buttons are slightly elevated – I know I locked the door, but I think when I put the keys in my jean pocket I accidentally depressed the unlock button. Oh well, you guys want us to follow you to the airport to help you get your car out of the impound?” We hadn’t even thought about that, “Oh – that would be wonderful! I’m not sure they would believe us otherwise!”

We then drove out to the airport and when all arrived, the doctor followed us into the airport security office. The officer recognized the doctor from the other day and listened as the doctor explained the story. The officer looked at me and Gretchen and said, “Wow! What a story – it’s so unbelievable it has to be true. You know, I’m not even going to file a report on this – no one would believe it anyway! Now, the bad news for you two is that if the car is not in your name – I can’t release it to you.” We both smiled and with a laugh, I said “Just our luck! Honestly though, I’m just happy everything is OK and that I wasn’t arrested for stealing a Lexus from the airport!” Everyone smiled and shook their heads in disbelief as Gretchen and I headed outside to get back into our own car. I never appreciated that little Eagle Talon so much as I did that day – I swore to Gretchen I’d keep that car until it just fell apart. I did. I drove that car up until it completely keeled over, I couldn’t even drive it to the dealership for a trade-in – they had to come get it and haul it away.

That little blue car survived for at least twelve more years…